by Todd Strandberg
Each year, mankind spends hundreds of billions of dollars on drugs that provide relief for physical aches and pains. It would be nice if there were wonder drugs that could be applied to common spiritual problems. Thankfully, although we can't find such a quick fix, the Bible provides the only known source that offers cures for afflictions that plague the human soul. The only hindrance is our unwillingness to swallow the medicine that God has provided.
Prayagra -- Remedy for spiritual impotency
Symptoms: Prayer dysfunction, mental confusion, and a host of other faith-related problems.
Usage: Prayagra's active ingredient is 100 percent prayer. A daily dosage will go a long way towards healing the body and soul.
Prescription: "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak" (Mat. 26:41).
Repenticillin -- Helpful in treating persistent cases of diealitis
Symptoms: Sufferers refuse to believe they are spiritually sick and deny the existence of God.
Usage: Along with the forgiving power of the blood of Christ, Repenticillin works instantly at cleansing the soul.
Prescription: "But if a wicked man turns away from all the sins he has committed and keeps all my decrees and does what is just and right, he will surely live; he will not die" (Ezek. 18:21).
Jackasspirin -- The pain remedy that goes straight to the source
Symptoms: People making donkeys of themselves by always wanting to get their own way; swelling caused by bloated pride.
Usage: Apply generously to stubborn mule disposition.
Prescription:"If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself" (Gal. 6:3).
Sudafast -- The quick-acting fasting aid that also benefits the waistline
Symptoms: Gluttony, selfishness, materialism, lack of control of fleshly desires.
Usage: Effective in reducing cravings for worldly goods.
Prescription: "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Mat. 15:24).
Beengay -- Treats sexual orientation dysfunction
Symptoms: A tendency to direct sexual desire toward members of one’s own sex; an unusual fixation on fashion design; a tendency to make a grand entrance when entering a room; sufferers bristle at gay stereotypes.
Usage: Generates a strong realization of the eternal consequences of impure sexual thought and acts.
Prescription: "And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet" (Rom. 1:27).
Praiselox -- For those times when you just don't feel like praising the Lord
Symptoms:A pessimistic attitude; defeatism; difficulty realizing what God has done for us.
Usage: Praiselox works with the Holy Ghost to remind people that the Lord is the source of our eternal joy.
Prescription:"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation" (Heb.. 3:18).
Lust-X -- Treatment for over-active libido
Symptoms: frequent bed-hopping, sexually transmitted diseases, and broken relationships.
Usage: Drug of choice for controlling impure thoughts. When symptoms appear, take one with a cold shower.
Prescription: "For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live" (Rom. 8:13).
Ibeprayin -- New and improved prayer remembrance formula
Symptoms: The lack of motivation to pray; dusty Bibles; some sufferers say the last time they prayed a lottery ticket was involved.
Usage: Ibeprayin is in the same family of drugs as Prayagra. This drugs works by reinforcing the commitment to pray.
Prescription: "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" (Jam. 5:16).
Slipitor -- Helps promote conviction for chronic backsliding
Symptoms: used for the prevention and long-term treatment of weak faith, nagging doubt, and the God-doesn't-love-me syndrome.
Usage: A regular dosage will remind sufferers that Jesus is the foundation we need to grasp.
Prescription: "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin" (Heb. 4:15).
Declaritin -- For timid believers who have trouble sharing the Gospel
Symptoms: tight lips, week spine, shaky knees and other fear-generated signs.
Usage: Contains the active ingredient: boldness. Use while firmly standing on the Word of God.
Prescription: "For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed" (Rom. 10:11).
Trialinol -- For lasting relief of tribulation fear
Symptoms: A nagging perception that daily trials are beyond our endurance; the desire to cut and run.
Usage: Fortifies the knowledge that true hope is not in this life. Gives strength to overcome hardship.
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him" (Jam. 1:12).
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